Is Collaborative Divorce right for You?

By Debbie Davis, Attorney at Law

November 21, 2012

Many couples are finding that the adversarial approach to divorce puts them in a position of aggression, increased stress, and further alienates them from one another. Certainly, once a couple decides to divorce the parties have determined that they are not compatible and cannot live together for one more day.  However, their life together must be settled. They own property together, may own real estate, they may have children together and/or a business etc. A traditional route to settle this life is adversarial court proceedings whereby what seems like endless motions are filed and argued in front of a judge where you have little if any control over the outcome and the legal fees seemingly continue to mount.

Another option is the Collaborative Divorce process. In a collaborative divorce each party is represented by an attorney who has been trained in the collaborative divorce process. This process is best summed up as a series of meetings whereby the parties meet with their attorneys to go through all of what they have compiled in their life together and how they can come to agreement on how to settle these items so they can better begin their new lives living apart from one another.

During this process other professionals can be brought into the equation to be of service to the parties, whether it is a financial planner, tax professions, counselor or etc. These other professionals can provide guidance to the parties to determine what is best for both parties in this process.

Collaborative Divorce does not focus on a winner and a loser and therefore lessens the adversary nature of divorce. This process is not for everyone. This process requires both parties and their attorney to come to the table with the spirit of working together.

This spirit of working together can be very hard for couples and it is very hard for some attorneys. You should make sure that your attorney will work toward your best interest. The decisions are ultimately up to you. There are a few attorneys that will guide you as your items belonged to them. They may dig their heels in and tell you that you cannot agree to give him the couch (just an example here). When you really don't care that much about the couch. Selecting an attorney is as much about your being able to work with them as it is their experience and reputation. An attorney that is difficult to work with and you do not like will not be of great benefit to you because you will not respect their opinion and it will make the process more uncomfortable for you.

In a Collaborative Divorce the first meeting between the parties and their attorneys is to focus on completing the required documents and contracts. The hallmark difference in this process is that IF either party decides at some point that they cannot get what they want and want to go to court to file motions, then both attorneys must withdraw from the case and each party will have to hire another attorney. This may seem like a harsh rule, but it keeps everyone on an even playing field and at the table to negotiate.

Other documents will be reviewed at this meeting and the parties will discuss the most important matters in the divorce and determine what can be and cannot be agreed on. After this meeting a series of meetings will be held with prior agendas of the items to be worked on and the documents and information that needs to be provided by both parties.

You might be asking yourself what is the benefit of the Collaborative Divorce route versus the traditional adversarial process? Well, if you have known anyone that has gone through a highly contested divorce you will know that it was extremely stressful, expensive and if children were involved it may have harmed the children. If you and your spouse are able to focus on working on a positive way to resolve your divorce, want to make sure that both of you has all the information necessary to succeed after the divorce, want to be able to work together on a business or about your children after the divorce, or want to ensure that your children are protected from the harmful effects that litigation causes on children, then Collaborative Divorce is right for you.

Collaborative Divorce is not right for you if you want to get even, want to emphasize that your spouse is the Bad person, want to get your kids away from the other party, or want to “take them to the cleaners”. Don't get me wrong. There are reasons for the adversarial divorce process. There are cases where one parent is a bad parent and is on drugs, etc. There are cases where abuse and deception has taken all of the trust and there would be no way for the parties to work together. However, may times the parties could work together and the adversarial system just works to increase legal fees and the time needed to get divorced.

Once a full agreement is reached between the parties then this agreement is signed and filed with the court. At this point the case is ripe to proceed either for a final hearing or to file the documents to be executed by the judge without a hearing to complete the divorce.

If you are interested in learning more about this process and wish to speak to an attorney trained in Collaborative Law in Kentucky, contact Debbie Davis at 859.746.3481. Located in Florence Kentucky.

www.debbiedavislaw.com